SAREE SCIENCE

I am a man obsessed with my country of birth, India. One who has walked across India has walked across the world, twice. There is so much of mysticism, marvel and awe in each and every aspect finding an existential position in my country. My way of looking at seemingly normal things are quite different. Like an inquisitive child, that is more interested in the internal mechanisms of a Mattel toy rather than its ethereal appearance, I delve into the interesting inside of things by mentally dissecting objects and situations in front of me. 

This time around, what flashed across my mind was the science behind India's greatest fashion icon, The Saree. No matter how many fashionistas and new age divas have comfortably adapted to western designer attires, we all know that Indian women look their flattering best in the saree. The Saree is generally a single 6 yard cloth that is draped around in different styles. These are seamless wonders whose beauty is greatly enhanced by its wearer (as long it is of the female kind). 

The World's Longest Saree 

The earliest reference to Saree can be traced back to the Indus valley civilisation, circa 2500 - 1800 B.C. when Indus valley priests used drapes which bore uncanny resemblance to the present day Saree. We must all remember that even ancient Indian civilisations held women in extremely high regards and the vedic age witnessed their glory reach its zenith with greatly admired and respected women scholars Mytreyi and Gargi. 

The word Saree is derived from the Sankrit 'Sati' which means a Strip of cloth and subsequently the common man's Prakriti language changed it to Sadi and after several change of tongues it became Saree in Hindi. 

I recently found out there are several ways in which one can drape around a Saree. 

1. Worn in The Nivi Style, mainly on important occassions by women of Andhra Pradesh

2. The Bengali & Oriya style by women of that region

3. The Dravidian style by women of Tamil Nadu

4. The Kastha style by women of Maharashtra.

(Source Courtesy: Sareez.com) 

Since ancient ages the Sarees have been woven by skilled weavers by hand and the same is still very much in vogue and in high demand and also fetches a handsome sum of money for the seller. Saree weaving machines or power looms provided access to sarees woven out of synthetic materials as well and catered to the burgeoning demand, both in the domestic and international markets. 

The natural fiber, Cotton was the main and probably the only source of fabric for weaving the Saree. This material provided much desired relief to the victims of India's scorching heat. 

Not intending to make this topic all knowledge and thereby dull, I take you all to my days as a kid. Being the only kid, I was forced to move around with my parents whenever they felt the urge for some shopping. Impatience and a short attention span are the true traits of a kid and my nature was tantamount to these qualities. As a small boy, I felt my most harrowing experiences were when my mum & dad used to walk into these huge showrooms specializing in the sales of 'latest' Sarees. First of, I always used to wonder what all the hype and hoopla around this long piece of cloth was about. All of them seemed to look the same, only they came in some different colours and patterns. I used to liken them to the window drapes that we had put on in our home. 

The average time my mum spent at each of these Saree shops was roughly about 2 hours - the show time of any regular Hollywood potboiler. The salesperson across the counter used to have a smile stitched across the face and had the patience of Mother Earth herself. Dozens and Dozens of these 9 yard wonders were pulled off shelves and spread across under the scrutinising eyes of my mum. 2 - 3 heaps of Sarees later, my parents have a telepathic conference and just decide to walk out of this showroom! This was a typical 'cloak and dagger' situation for a 9 - 10 year old kid like me who was all the while hoping that we would walk out as early as possible with a satisfactory selection made. All hopes are dashed when we leave empty handed after investing my childhood's precious 2 hours, obviously on a weekend. Not to forget, my dad's face who looked like he was palpitating just imagining the fierce thoughts across the salesperson's mind when he begins folding back the dozens and dozens of Sarees back to the shelves waiting for an impending thunderstorm. So then, we make trips to another half a dozen Saree shops in the city's central business district and finally after 5 - 6 hours and a lunch break a selection is made and we return home with a tired kid, an anger gulping dad and a visibly happy mum. 


These were the 'normal' outings but things went more wrong, whenever there was a marriage or a betrothal ceremony in the family inner circle. It was time to enhance the shopping budget and go buy one of those expensive Sarees spun out of Silk! The shops housing these upper class of clothing material are huge and have more than a dozen smiling attendants just waiting to serve. My mum who I usually gave low marks for her general knowledge and awareness on current affairs, always astounded me with her in - depth know- how when it came to Sarees especially of the silken kind. 


Names like Kanjeevaram, Mysore, Dharmavaram so on and so forth just rolled out of her tongue and only the grown ups seemed to understand. Obviously, for me the only difference from the earlier harrowing experience was here the wait was to get longer and more painful and the heaps got even bigger. These expensive cloths woven out of worm discharges had Gold and Silver embroidered into them in intricate patterns. The 'borders' had patterns of flowers, elephants, peacocks and other colorful creatures. The colors of the sarees are mentally cross referenced with the existing wardrobe at home and the colors of the gems on the jewellery. Careful attention was given to ensure that the selected color and pattern does not match with any of the sarees in possession of my mum's friends and relatives - both close and distant. Obviously one cannot be caught dead with a matching pattern and color. That would be disastrous. After many rounds of screening, some are short listed and many more are rejected. After at least 3 - 4 hours the selection is made, which is apparently the best buy for the pre- decided budget. 


My teenage years gave my heavenly respite from all this tamasha since these were the days of rebellion and rejecting all of my parents' requests to accompany them to these shopping escapades. Home was dominion and I ruled it. 


The nightmare of saree shopping haunted me once more when I was a bachelor with an engagement ring on my finger. I had replaced my dad and I was the one carrying the palpitating face. Imagine the above exercise for one saree and a similar expedition for a dozen. It is 12 times more the trauma!Of course, I had the able assistance of my well experienced female family members, but I had to rest my posterior for hours in one of those plush air conditioned saree showrooms. 


Men, I have realised are lousy when it comes to selecting a 'surprise' saree for either their mothers, wives or sisters. We just do not have any idea about the color, the fabric, the design or the prices. When alone, we are the most gullible of customers and we end up buying stuff in our over enthusiasm to impress the females. I have had this experience when I along with a guy friend of mine went shopping for Sarees for my wife, my mother in law and my sister. Recalling our respective experiences as children, we did manage to spend some significant time ( I would qualify 30 minutes for 5 sarees as an excellent investment) and bought half a dozen. We had even managed a good bargain and there was also an 'unlimited exchange' period on the goods. Later, I would find out much to my embarrassment that the Sarees we had bought were not worth a dime and they would look very unflattering on the recipients if they ever decided to wear them at all. Our gifts were politely rejected by all the beneficiaries and now our maiden selection of sarees are the denizens of the cold dark recesses in the closets. 


Even worse, we realized much later that both I and my friend were swindled beyond hope and there was no way we could correct our errors since we had both made the purchase in Agra - notorious for fooling hapless tourists like us. 


This is a science that no man can conquer and it is left best with the females. After flushing down a couple of thousands of rupees, I have wised up and I make sure that it is best not to surprise your wife, when it comes to getting a saree for her. 


The End - of My worries. 


Roses are Red
Violets are blue
Just 6 yards in my saree
Make it 9 will you


- Anonymous. 

Southern Shaadi Shenanigans

In India, Shaadi or Wedding is a day of reckoning for the largely middle class and sparsely upper class communities. Indians plan their lives around this very day. Each and every decision they have ever taken in their lives is to make this once in a lifetime event a day to cherish.

In India, a marriage is a communion of two families rather than just the groom and the bride. A solid foundation to an ever lasting & fruitful relationship is laid by the two sides. Even in today's uber modern Indian society, people consider the happy approval of their respective parents, uncles, aunts, grannies, grandpas, nephews, nieces, some newly discovered far off relatives, second and third cousins as sacrosanct before considering the next big step i.e. to get into the marriage itself. This is an unwritten mandate for all marriages, irrespective of the fact that the boy and the girl have held discrete courting sessions either at college or at work or both.

In India, though it is fast changing, the trend is for 'arranged' marriages. It is still very much in vogue. It is a risky proposition for the incumbents as their haplessness knows no bounds. The whole process is quite amusing if you actually sit and ponder on it. You are part, (heck! not a part, you are the product) of a grand marketing strategy at work where experienced and skilled minds are in continuous brain storming sessions to come out with a proposal that is best for either side. Management gurus call it the 'win - win' approach of negotiating a deal!

You are so proud of your achievements at college and at work. Your peers and seniors openly laud your outspoken nature, your bold outlook and fast decision making capabilities. You are busy counting the feathers on your cap and suddenly when you are among marriage proposals, your feathers are all ruffled. All your hard earned skills and expertise are all of a sudden "Not Applicable"

Having gone through this whole process myself, I can assure you that when it comes to taking a decision concerning your own life, you have absolutely no choice! well not in the strictest sense, but our parents and relatives often carry the opinion that a kid straight out of college without a girl friend is a "Desparado" and nods his head in consent at the first sight of a prospective wife.

One often ends up puzzled when your hard thought decision about the "right" girl is mercilessly rejected by your elders. Where did I go wrong? Was it not a girl that I okayed? Am I right in the head cause everyone else seems to think in the opposite direction! You just do not say "OK" to the very first girl you come across!

In India, people put their trust in time. We invest our hopes in the constant movements of the Sun which moves time itself. The women folk especially, make the whole experience of selecting a wife all the more harrowing and complex. There are a certain number of criteria that the girl has to match before moving on to the next round. These are the contract prerequisites. Contract being the marriage itself. These covenants of the "bride qualification" process are handed down to Indian mothers from generation to generation. Even at the common deli or the flea market, an Indian woman spends an average of 30 minutes to buy a kilo of Okra and Lauki (Ladies finger and Bottle gaurd for the unfamiliar). This half an hour is invested in striking a most favourable deal i.e. to spend the least possible to gain the best commodity on display. Likewise, your moms and aunts believe in slowing down the process to hand you over the best "girl" on a platter. They are the unofficial business development officers who do a thorough market research and arrive at the right time to launch their most favourite product, U!

After coldly, rejecting half a dozen proposals (this applies to the boy also when the girl's family applies the same selection prerequisite) you finally zero in on your future wife. You are happy, your parents, uncles, aunts, grannies, grandpas, nephews, nieces, some newly discovered far off relatives, second and third cousins are all happy and lo presto! a decision is made ! The management has made the risk review, conducted the GO - NO GO gate review, discussed on the budget and finally issued the NTP (Notice to Proceed). 

Let me run you guys through the Tour de Marriage, beginning with the very first lap, the "Interview". Believe me guys, this Interview leaves the toughest of men shaking in their boots. I do not know if this ritual is restricted to South Indian households, but being a Southie myself, I have knowledge, ample enough to share on this subject. This ritual is actually a very civilised way of a show of strength and a battle of nerves. This is the original "Last man standing Wins" and the arena is either the boy's or the girl's place or at a neutral venue such as the neighbourhood restaurant. You are in for an array of preliminary questions framed by the girl's side. After dodging and tackling all of them, you are in for some home made treats (there is a standard for this too), you have the regular Upma, Sevai (Indian Noodles) a sweet and some spicy melange ('mixture' in the local tongue). Then, you have some cool aunties who crack some jokes to break some ice and the get the momentum up & running. The 'girl' is ushered in slowly and quite melodramatically by her mom, dad, sisters, friends etc and is formally introduced to you and your folks, who slowly start turning towards you to catch you blushing hopelessly.

You are on Bryan Adam's Cloud Number Nine (Sorry, but I like this Canadian Rocker) and you are imaginary - punch - fisting - in the air.

Somebody on the girl's side voluntarily discloses to everyone's surprise and bemusement that the incumbent is a trained carnatic singer. Surely, her high notes and deep understanding of the Ragas is bound to impress you.

You keep a straight face feigning an equally deep knowledge of the carnatic ragas and you start nodding your head in appreciation like that funny Raccoon (King Julien) in Madagascar!

After a volley of questions and answers and the much awaited private tete -  a - tete between the boy and girl (much of which is mired in silence and stupid smiles), your battalion leaves victorious. You have passed the interview with flying colours without having to say pretty much anything.

After both sides consult their respective "family astrologers" a date is set up for the Engagement ceremony. This is the familiar exchange of ring ceremony and it is that time of your life when you update your relationship status on your Facebook page from 'Single' to 'Engaged'. Usually, the date for the wedding is fixed during the engagement ceremony. This is followed by expeditions to the numerous outlets specialising in traditional Sarees specially designed for nuptial occasions. An entire lifetime's savings are mercilessly splurged on exotic silks embroidered with gold and silver. Then comes the over kill - jewellery for the ladies! There are the quick visits to the caterer who comes highly recommended by some uncle or aunt of yours. The menu for the big day has to be discussed and agreed upon mutually. After all, compromising on one's gastronomical delights is not part of the deal.

The humongous bills take the sheen out of your face and your bank balance but it is restored by the thought of a new life with your soul - mate.





Cut to D - day minus 1. Most middle class weddings in India are convened in a custom built marriage halls which sometimes have holding capacities of up to 2000 smiling relatives and friends. Brains are racked to recall names of all long lost and lorn relatives to invite them all to your personal life's biggest extravaganza! The Indian mind is the most enterprising of them all. South Indian parents plan the wedding reception a day before the actual wedding to ensure maximum utilisation of the wedding hall booked (one cannot let the previous night go idle when you are paying such an exorbitant price for it). For the first time in your life, you are the cynosure of all eyes and you bask in this moment of glory. You are dressed to kill and the hot topic of discussion. Where does he work? How much does he earn? Does he own a house? A car perhaps? Does he have an On - site opportunity in his company? so on and so forth. You being the groom 'arrive' fashionably late at the venue dressed in your best double breasted suit or the traditional Sherwani (both of which by the way would have costed you a fortune).

Me :) :) :)

You and your still - fiance - and soon to be - wife are literally in the spotlight, fixing a smile on the faces, shaking hands with hundreds of hands and posing patiently with dozens and dozens of families & friends. We are akin to the actor on stage who forever remains in character no matter how harsh the situation inside. We are sweating like pigs under the heavy bridal and bride groom make up, all thanks to the bright camera flash lights, the lack of ventilation and the CO2 piling up due to the constant nasal exercises of the hundreds of people that have gathered. The legs bear the brunt and are left a very tired pair at the end of this charade.

Wedding receptions provide the best opportunity to one and all to binge unabashedly on some really good food - all at somebody else's cost! It is also a God given occasion for the PYTs to show off their best costumes. It is an event to let your hair down and enjoy some good live music, to meet up with old friends and distant relatives. It is also the best place for mothers and fathers in the process of looking for a daughter / son in law for themselves. You see horoscopes exchanging wrinkled hands and photographs of the candidates going through an army of eyes.

D - Day: South Indian Weddings are always compulsorily convened in broad day light! It is for everyone to witness and behold without any ambiguity in mind. The day for the bride, groom and their inner circle starts very early. Traditionally dressed pandits chant out vedic hymns to invoke the holy spirits and the Almighty to sanctify the ceremony (Holy Matrimony). Both groom and bride are dressed in traditional wedding gear that includes a princely Mysore Peta, silk cloth over your shoulders and a silk dhoti for the groom and a heavy 9 yard Silk - gold embroidered saree for the bride with half a dozen kilo of jewellery from head to toe thrown in. The decked up bride is literally carried to the stage to join the waiting groom by her maternal uncles. After a series of mantras and some cheeky comments by the Pandit, comes the event which led to the term "Tying the Knot". The "Mangalsutra" which has been blessed by all elders is tied to the bride in 3 knots which symbolises love, trust and marital happiness.

The Ring Finding ceremony

One of the Acclimatisation ceremonies

The Dhaare ceremony (Kanya Daan)

The completion of this elaborate ceremony declares to the whole world that you are now a couple. Again, it is time to update your Face book status from 'engaged' to 'married'.

Since arranged marriages of yore did not provide much opportunity to the boy and girl to get familiar with each other, there were a lot of little games that were designed to thaw the freeze and acclimatize them to the institution of marriage. There is the well known exercise of finding the ring in a pot of milk, pouring rice on each other's heads, holding a fun betrothal for your future kids, feeding each other sweets. All this happens amidst constant giggling and gazes of your well wishers. It is a great day indeed and a day to remember your entire life.

Marriages are made in heaven they say. Man - Woman culminate to a uni - soul. No matter what circuitous route your fate makes you take, your destiny has already been established. Marriages in India are the greatest success stories and living evidences of how two strangers when brought together in this holy institution go on to become each other's best companions, confidants, guides and most importantly Soul mates in the spiritual sense. A happy marriage is a key to a healthy life and to an ever lasting peace of mind.

Marriage is a great place to be and I strongly recommend it once to everybody.


“Marriage is the golden ring in a chain whose beginning is a glance and whose ending is Eternity.”

- Kahlil Gibran